From Casey's Point of View

So I started writing this story. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with it. I started it a certain way, and now it's heading in a different direction. But anyway, this is the beginning of it.

Casey Cronan seemed like the average 8 year old girl. She wore her long golden hair in braided pigtails to school everyday. She played hopscotch and jumped rope with her friends at recess, and ate her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crust cut off. Every night when she laid her head down and closed her dreary eyes, she dreamed of being a princess dressed in an elegant pink gown. However, Casey was far from ordinary. Casey noticed more than most kids her age, and she understood the realities of this cruel world we live in better than most adults.

Casey waved goodbye to her neighbor Mr. Foreman as her dad pulled out of the driveway to take her to school. Mr. Foreman was an elderly man with little hair on the top of his head, who was always ready to share a cup of hot chocolate over a warm conversation. He was the only one who really understood Casey for who she was, and was the only person who Casey truly trusted. On most days after school Casey would run to Mr. Foreman's door and wait impatiently for him to come out and sit in the chairs on the front porch and tell her stories from his past. Sometimes Casey would share stories too. Each evening when dusk came and darkness began to swallow what was left of the sunlight, Casey knew it was time for her to walk across the yard back to her own home. Whenever Casey would stand up to leave, he would look into her sparkling blue eyes and whisper ever so softly, "Remember who you are, and don't ever let anyone try to change that." Casey heard this nearly everyday for the last two years, but was still not entirely sure what it meant. All she knew at this point in her brief life was that she was different than most kids, and that Mr. Foreman was the only person including herself who knew why.

Like most evenings when Casey shed her coat by the front door, she entered her house to find her dad in the office on his phone. She sat quietly by the door and waited for him to end his conversation. However, Casey's dad worked for the government ans was a very busy man. At the age of six, Casey already knew all about taxes and I.R.S. agents because that was all her dad knew how to talk about. It wasn't that he wasn't a good father. He tried his very best to provide for her every need, but sometimes it was the things she needed the most that he neglected. It was times like these that Casey wished even more that her mother was still around, because the truth was George Cronan didn't know how to be both a dad and a mom. Casey's mom was murdered in her own home about five years earlier. Although Casey was only two years old at the time, she knows more about the catastrophe than anyone would ever give her credit. Casey was the only witness of the murder, and the images of her mother's brutal death are some that will remain with her for the rest of her life. Besides her own majestic blue eyes, these visions are really the only thing Casey's mother left behind for her. Sometimes in the dead silence, she can still her the shriek that was her mother's last cry. A plea for help. And because Casey was merely an infant, there was nothing she could do to save her mom. She thinks about these things daily, but rarely does she ever speak of them. Casey was strong, and although she lived nearly every second of her life in fear, she never let her fears consume her. Mr. Foreman was the only one she really ever talked about these things to, and he always seemed very intrigued. She thought his may have something to do with why he always told her to remember who she is. She wasn't sure. But if there is one thing she knew, that she learned from her own mother's death is this: You can't trust anyone.

Sometimes I feel like I'm completely lost. Sometimes I feel like everything I've spent my life living for is completely and utterly useless. I spend all this time searching myself to figure out who exactly I am, what I stand for, and what I believe in; then I sit here and question myself. I ask myself if it's really all worth it. Is it worth my own thought to try to decide what I believe, when nobody really knows the right answer to anything anyway? Is it worth swallowing my pride to reach out to others when I only get a slap in the face in return? Is it worth staying up all night to study for a test that I end up failing anyway? It's like I'm at that point where I'm so close to the end, yet everything is pressing down on me to the point that I just want to drop it all and give up. Like a runner in a marathon who has been jogging a steady pace for miles, and just when the finish line is in sight he thinks he can't make it any farther. Or maybe he just doesn't want to finish because, after all, running is what he does and after the race is over he just won't know what to do next. I read a John Steinbeck book a while back Cannery Row. At one point there was a guy in the story who they said had spent a major part of his life building a boat. Somebody asked why it was taking so long for him to build the boat, because it really wasn't that big or extravagant and didn't seem like it would have taken that long to build. The guy talking about it replied that he really finished the boat a long time ago. The truth was he really didn't like the water, he was afraid of it, but his enjoyment lied in the building of the boat so that's what he spend his time doing. He never considered the job finished.


I guess that's kinda how I am. I spend all this time anticipating life after high school. I wanted to grow up so fast and just get out of here. I wanted to leave this all behind and start a new life. And although part of me still does, now that the time is so quickly approaching I don't even know what to do with myself. I've spent all these years "building my boat", but now I don't even know if it will be able to withstand the rough waters. Like the character in Cannery Row, I'm scared of what's out there because so far, the comfort of my own home is all I know. But I guess it's up to me now to take a deep breath, face reality, and realize that although I may not have much of a past, I do have a future. Because the truth is, all I have to do is look around me and remember all the incredible memories to remind myself that it really is all worth it. Even the pain of leaving everything behind becomes bearable knowing that memories are something that take a long time to fade. I've seen through myself that life comes in Seasons. Even though today is cold and dreary, tomorrow I may wake up to sunshine. It's up to me to seize the day and make the best of what it is instead of soaking in self misery.

~*Elizabeth

I really don't like AP World History. Its bores me and stresses me out. However, while skimming through the pages of my history text trying to find reasons why the Roman Empire fell so I can write this essay that I should have written yesterday instead of 10:00 tonight, I read something that caught my interest.
I think it's good to look at Christianity through they eyes of an unbeliever. Sometimes that means looking at it through someone who hates Christians in general. Other times it means just looking at it as someone who is apathetic towards the matter. My history book is written from a non-Christian (supposedly) unbiased perspective. I started reading about early Christianity in Rome and for some reason I found the description of Jesus and his followers to be stunningly beautiful. Here are some snippets from the text:

"The Christians formed their community around Jesus of Nazareth, a charismatic Jewish teacher whom they recognized as their savior. He was a peaceful man who taught devotion to God and love for fellow human beings. He attracted large crowds because of a reputation for wisdom and miraculous powers, especially the ability to heal the sick... Jesus' crucifixion did not put an end to his movement. Even after his execution Jesus' close followers strongly felt his presence and proclaimed that he had triumphed death by rising from the grave. They called him 'Christ,' meaning 'the anointed one,' the savior who would bring individuals into the kingdom of God. They taught that he was the son of God and that his sacrifice served to offset the sins of those who had faith in him. They taught further that, like Jesus, the faithful would survive death and would experience eternal life in the spiritual kingdom of God. Following Jesus' teachings, the early Christians observed a demanding moral code and devoted themselves uncompromisingly to God...Christians refused to honor the Roman state cults or revere the emperor as a god. As a result, Roman imperial authorities launched sporadic campaigns of persecution designed to eliminate Christianity as a threat to the empire. In spite of the repression, Christian numbers grew rapidly...The remarkable growth of Christianity reflected the new faith's appeal particularly to the lower classes, urban populations, and women. Christianity accorded honor and dignity to individuals who did not enjoy high standing in Roman society, and it endowed them with a sense of spiritual freedom more meaningful than wealth, power, or social prominence. It taught the spiritual equality of the sexes and welcomed the contributions of both men and women. And it provided a promise of future glory for those who placed their faith in Jesus."

Maybe its because I'm a dork, but this just really got me thinking. In the midst of persecution and martyrdom Christians stood strong the most. Christians were respected as people who did not compromise their beliefs, and now many Christians are looked at as nothing more than a bunch of hypocrits. Today, we don't have to worry about being fed to lions or burned to death for what we believe, yet we do not stand out like the early Christians did. I think a big problem is the fact that the term "christian" has become watered down. Its cliche' and too many people claim it. The early Christians were not merely Christians, they were followers of Christ. It makes me want to examine myself and see if I really am as devoted as I should be.

~*Elizabeth

Got a Plan?

John Locke is a man of faith. He believes that everything happens for a reason, and though he has his times of disbelief, he knows that fate and destiny will pull him through in the end. He believes in a greater purpose for himself and does quite a bit of soul searching in order to find that purpose. If you don't watch the tv series Lost then you probably either have no idea what I'm talking about or are wondering how in the world I know all of this about that old philosopher guy, or why I would even want to know. Locke is one of the characters who is sometimes almost annoyingly faithful. He's an out-of-the-box kind of guy, but he's always the one to say things that leave you thinking or wondering. In the first season, not too long after the plane initially crashed on the island, the survivors begin to realize that they are not the only ones on the island. And the people they find are not very welcoming. In fact, they kinda seem like they are out to get them. Of course when you have about 40 people coming from all different directions, thrown together on an island in the middle of nowhere, there are bound to be some feuds or disagreements. In the midst of one of these disputes, John Locke steps in and says that they will get nowhere while fighting like this. He says that there is an enemy out there and the more dispersed they become over these arguments, the easier it will be for the enemy to take over and the more difficult it will become for survival.

I believe that the same theory applies to our lives. Obviously we're not stranded on an island with unknown savages out to kill us, but similarly we are on earth away from Savior and there is an enemy out there waiting for our moments of weakness. Just how Locke was talking about, being dispersed is our greatest weakness and I believe it will be the one to fail us in the end. Sadly, I feel that religion is the one thing that pulls us apart the most. It should be the thing that brings us together, but instead it draws lines and builds up walls between us. From what I can tell, religion has been a topic of argument for pretty much all of mankind's existence. When Jesus was around roaming the earth, the Pharisees were the religious freaks of the time. While many of their beliefs may have been closely in line with what God wanted, they focused so greatly on the rules and forget where love comes into play. Instead of helping the helpless, they would turn away because they religious believes told them that would make them unclean. They condemned Jesus for associating with those who were considered of greater sin, but it was being with them that led more people to Christ in the end.

Knowing all the rules, and studying deeply into what the Bible tells us is a great thing. In fact, I think everyone should know what they believe, and stand by it firmly. But I have found that religion is the thing that pushes people away from Christianity the most. This is because it separates us from one another when we should be united. We claim to have this perfect life with Christ going for us, but we are only being hypocritical. We focus so much on following all the rules that we forget about love and helping those in need. We are not welcoming to those who are not like us, and we put off the impression that we think our lives are so much better than everyone Else's. Are religious believes are getting in the way of what's really at stake.

Earlier this year I read the book Blue Like Jazz. I really enjoyed this book because it made me think about my religion with being religious. In fact, the tag line for the book was "Non-religious thoughts on Christian Spirituality". At the beginning of the book Donald Miller says, "I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather to have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's heart into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God." And I think that's just it. Our religion drags us into habits that end up being a waste of our time. We have to pray before we go to bed, but if that prayer is forced does it really mean anything? We read the Bible regularly because well, that's what the Bible tells us to do. We stay away from people who we think are more sinful than us because we don't want to become corrupted. But if we're doing this all out of habit does it really mean anything? We need to pray and read our Bible out of desire. We need to do it because we can't make it through the day without it, not because it says to in the rule book.

Hebrews 10: 11 says, "Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins." The problem here was habit, the priest did these things because he had to, not because he wanted to. Not because he had this overwhelming desire to worship God. And it says that this got him nowhere, it did not even grant him the remission of sins. His religious duties were eating away at his heart until there was no desire left in him.

I believe that Satan has a battle plan, and I think a major part of that plan is Divide and Conquer. If he can get us broken up into little segments, he can take over each one. If he can get us arguing we will forget that we are arguing because of a God thing and it will turn into a Satan thing. He wants us to reject people. He wants us to tell people that they are not welcome in our church because they are homosexual or because they became pregnant outside of marriage or maybe just because they dress differently than us, listen to different music, or have a different background. He wants us to stay within our small little circle of Christian friends and not let the "others" in. He wants us to become so focused on religion that we forget about loving our neighbor, we forget about helping those in need, and we forget about our true Christian purpose. Why are giving our enemy what he wants so easily? Why are we supplying him with ammunition?

He doesn't want us to be a servant to those in need, so I've been thinking that maybe that's what I will do. I believe that if some people spent half the effort they do studying scripture details or trying to prove why their denomination is right, there would be a lot less people who die of hunger, or are left to sleep alone on the cold streets. I believe that if people like myself wouldn't waste so much time thinking about doing good things and actually do them, then there wouldn't be so many hurting people in this world. I think that God has blessed us with enough resources in this world to save every person who dies of hunger or hunger related illnesses. Unfortunately, the problem lies in the people and their unwillingness to get off their high horse and help the lowly.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world
-James 1:27

So just as Satan has a battle plan, so do I. Just as the character of John Locke has a purpose, so do I. My plan and purpose is love. And in this case love being a verb, an action word. I want to serve those in need rather than looking at it as a hopeless case. In my life, I'm in the process of decided what I want the rest of my life to be like, what I want to do with my time. I still don't know what my major in college will be or what job I want to have after college, but I do hope it will involve outreach and service. I want it to be love in action. Because that, I believe, is my purpose in live, it's my battle plan.

But if we are the body why aren't His arms reaching? Why aren't His hands healing? Why aren't His words teaching? And if we are the body why aren't His feet going? Why is His love not showing them there is a way?

~*Elizabeth

The Sweet Release

A long time ago in Southeast Asia hunters invented a simple yet effective way of capturing monkeys. All they had to do was get a pot with a narrow opening, put fruit into the bottom, bury it, and then wait for a monkey to come. The monkey would be attached to the scent of the fruit and fit its hand into the hole to grasp a fistful. This was a trap because there is no way for the monkey to get his hand out without first releasing the fruit. So the monkey fights and struggles but it is a hopeless case because he is too enthralled to just let go. All he needs to do in order to save himself is just simply let go, yet he is too stubborn so now all the hunter has to do is throw a net over him and the monkey will most likely never be free again.


Letting go is sometimes the hardest thing to do. It shouldn't be because it seems so simple, yet it is. I love to reminisce and recall the memories, but I've realized that all I'm doing is clinging to the past which is completely and utterly meaningless. Some people have a hard time letting go of pain. If you have been hurt by someone its hard to just leave that in the past and move on without any hard feelings. For me, I have an even harder time letting go of the good things. I honestly have a hard time dealing with the fact that all good things will eventually come to an end. But time and time again I feel like a thousand rocks are being thrown at my head when I realize that what once was, no longer is. But that is just a fact of life and all that's left to do is accept it and move on.

I think I'm starting to live with the mentality that when things are good disaster should be expected, but when things are bad relief is on it's way. I try not to let myself get attached to people or things especially when I think its something I care about so greatly. I feel like the more emotionally involved I get, the harder it will be to move past it once its over. But the truth is, I can't stop myself from enjoying what I find to be a good thing. I can tell others that I don't care, but all I'm doing is lying to them and to myself. In the end though, it hits pretty hard and I'm left wondering where in the world that bullet came from. So just like I try to prolong the enjoyment, I also try to prolong the pain. This, too, catches back up with you.

I've realized that most of the time the people or things you think you need the most are really the things that don't have a place in your life at all. Almost everything is ok in moderation, but if you feel that strongly about something then there is no moderation. It will consume you. And being consumed by just about anything will always have disastrous effects.

I have some things in my past that I have recently decided I'm ready to let go of. I'm a pretty decent kid and I've never really done anything that bad, but the things I'm ready to rid myself of are the memories I've held on to but clearly can not relive. But now I realize that it's not worth even talking about because good things come and go and all I have to do is accept that as part of life. Sounds easy enough, right?

Chances are you have no clue what I'm talking about, and that is ok. But for the few of you who do, just know that I've decided to be honest and have now officially buried the hatchet. And I'm sorry for not being honest before. To everyone else and myself. But like the monkey sometimes we humans fight for so long because we are too stubborn to just let go. The difference between us and the monkey is that we know it's best to let go, yet we don't. We keep struggling against it until it gets to the point that our hand is all cut up and swollen. When you hold on for that long, even if you do decide to let go of the fruit, your hand is too swollen and bruised to even slide back through the hole. So I want out now, before it's too late. Because I really do believe there is a hunter out there, and the chances of me being caught in his net grow stronger and stronger every minute that I hold on to these meaningless things. Right now I'm thirsting for the sweet release, and I won't let myself give up until I experience it.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

~*Elizabeth

You See Strange Things When You Are Downtown

So we are driving downtown to go serve food to people at Jesse's Place when I glance over at the car to the right of me. I have to do a double take because in my head I was thinking "woah, does that person really have a lizard on their shoulder?" Yes, indeed. There was a woman driving down the road with an IGUANIA ON HER SHOULDER!
Probably one of the most random things I have seen in like...ever? maybe. haha

~*Elizabeth

The Long Awaited Summer

The grass is green once again, and it's covered in those weeds I always used to pick for my mom because I thought they were pretty flowers. The weather is finally warm and since I live in Alabama, the air getting pretty wet and sticky. You can only stand outide in the same place for about three seconds before there is at least one gnat up your nose or down in the corner of your eye. James Spann probably has only gotten a couple of hours of sleep in the last week because everybody is worried about the tornadoes that come through this time of year. Students are feeling those extra pounds upon their shoulders because exam week is quickly approaching. We all long to be able to breathe evenly once again, without the stress of school. We will be able to sleep until noon and eat two bowls of cocoa puffs before enjoying a long day of relaxation. Yes, summer is almost here.

Summer has always been pretty much what I live for. I love absolutely everything about it. No school. Hot Southern weather that everybody else complains is miserable. My birthday. Sleep. Laziness. Of course, summer isn't quite as carefree as it used to be. I have a job now, and I am in desperate need of getting more work hours once I can. I'm approaching my senior year which means I need to start focusing on applying for colleges, doing community service work, and earning as much money as I can. But even with all that to think about, I am looking foward to this summer more than I have most summers in my past.

I feel like this is going to be a summer that really counts, and I want to make it great. I want to waste a day reading a good book out by the pool. I want to fry my skin in attempts of getting a decent tan. I want to wear tank tops and shorts while running around in those afternoon thunderstorms that come about every day in the summer. Hopefully I'm getting a car soon and so for the first time in my life, if I want to hop in the car and go to Smoothie Joes I can do it. And that thought makes me happy.

I also want to help others this summer. I really need to be more involved in my community, and hopefully doors will be opened to do that in these next few months.

I want to rebuild broken relationships. There have been numerous people who have come and gone in my life, and there is absolutely no good reason they shouldn't still be here. I want to go back to the good ole days and relive some old memories even if it means me swallowing my pride or stepping out of my comfort zone.

Everybody says they want to "find themself". Not me. I'm ready to begin creating myself. I've wasted so incredibly much time in my life so far, and I regret so much of that. I want to start living for the moment. Enjoying every single second of life. Stepping up doing what I want to do, despite the fears or hesitations that may be involved. When people ask me who I am and what I want to do, I want to be able to give them a good answer.

This summer I want to write more. I want to write things that to other people are completely meaningless, but to me are a form of expression. I want my blog page to be full of several posts a week even if that means just talking about what happened in my day.

All in all, I want this summer to be a perfect array of both productiveness and laziness. And I want to find out things I never knew about both other and myself. But I want it to be one that is going to stand out to me in my future. One that I remember for particular reasons. It's going to be the summer right before the bridge that crosses over into adulthood. So I am going to enjoy my youth while it lasts instead of rushing through it like I once did.

~*Elizabeth