Come Break Me Down

Is anger a bad thing? Is it wrong to be mad at someone and be straight-forward about it even if it may hurt them to hear it? Even if our emotions are wrong or illegitimate, should we be up front about it or suppress it so that nobody knows what we are really feeling?

Not knowing how to express my emotions would definitely be one of my character flaws. Usually if I'm mad or upset about something I don't really like to talk about it. The truth is, I have a hard time trusting people. I don't really know why because there are some truly amazing people in my life, I just don't trust society as a whole to know what I'm feeling. Also, I don't cry. Ever. This too is a terrible way to be, and I do not encourage it at all. I think its good to cry every now and then, especially for girls. It's like casting away your burdens, and the feeling of relief is amazing. I'm not entirely sure why I don't cry. I suppose its almost like a sign of weakness, and I strive to be an emotionally strong person. These are problems I'm working on, and maybe one day I will get better at this whole "expressing yourself" thing.

Actually, I think we should be completely straight up about our feelings with people. Not to the point that we critique everything people do and lower the self esteem of others, but I don't think we should be fake about what we think of them. Its almost like the whole world is wearing this mask, and we are too afraid what people will think if we take it off. So instead, we never say the things we feel and continue to say the things we don't just to feel acceptance.

Everyday we lie with a smile. Women lie when they make their voice really high pitched saying "hey, girl" and wave at that person who you really wish didn't just walk in the room. Men lie by saying "hey man, whats happening?" and shake hands with the guy you didn't feel like seeing today. In fact, I would go as far as saying that we lie to God on a daily basis. At least, I know I do. I say that I want to abide by his plan for me and I try to wait patiently for the answers I seek, but inside I'm screaming. Is it wrong to be angry with God? You know, the big guy who created the world. The one who put me here, and does have a plan for me even if I don't see or understand it. As strange as it may sound, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a little angry at God sometimes. That is, if we are upfront about it. I think that the thing God really wants is for us to let him know what we are thinking even if that does mean unjustified anger.

If you think about it, Jesus wasn't always exactly happy with his Father. Actually, I think he was pretty angry and distraught that night in the Garden of Gethsemane. But the difference is, he went forward with his feelings and spent a great deal of time in prayer and supplication. Most of time, I swallow the lump my throat and tell myself that what I'm feeling isn't important. In other words, I run away from my problems. When reading the passage in the garden, I don't get the impression that God cursed him for being worried or upset. In fact, I think he blessed him by giving him the strength to get off his feet and do what he was born to do. I believe that if I was more honest and telling about my feelings, then I would experience these same effects.

I read the book The Shack a few months ago. If you haven't read this book then I'm sure you've at least heard of it considering that it's one of those cliche' "everychristianhastoreadit" books. Personally, I thought it was kinda strange and highly overrated. The basic story line is about this guy, Mack, whose daughter was abducted by a mass kidnapper and later found to have been murdered in a shack in the middle of the forest. One day Mack gets a letter from this guy named Papa, who turned out to be God, telling him to meet him at The Shack. The main thing I got out of this book was not exactly what I think the intended message of the story was. When Mack goes to The Shack he finally relieves himself of all the fury and emotion he had been suppressing for so long. He basically lashes out against God in anger, and tells him that he doesn't see how someone who supposedly cares so much about him could allow something as tragic as this to happen. For Mack, letting go of all of this was the first step to recovery. Once he was honest with himself, God, and later the rest of the world, he was able to deal with his emotions more rationally.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that anyone should hate God or anything like that. However, I believe that God desires to be on a personal level with us and in order for that to happen we must be honest with Him. It's not as if he doesn't know how we feel already, but for us to come forward ourselves is a giant leap toward this desired relationship.

When I was reading the Harry Potter series, one of my favorite parts was at the end of each book when Harry and Professor Dumbledore would have their one-on-one conversations. This is when everything that happened in the book finally made sense because Dumbledore explained it all to Harry. To me, the Dumbledore/Harry relationship was a symbolic God the Father/God the Son relationship, with Dumbledore as the father. Harry always held great respect for Dumbledore, but at the end of the 5th book he was very angry at him. Harry released his fury by yelling at Dumbledore and destroying his office. Strangely, all Dumbledore did was sit there and tell Harry to continue expressing his anger even if it was towards him. He didn't try to defend himself or bash Harry, he just sat there and took it all in.

Sometimes I have a hard time accepting the beautiful truth that there are actually people who care. There are people who care about my ridiculous problems that are really meaningless in the grand scheme of things. And more importantly, my God cares. He cares enough to listen to me express my anger towards him even when he has done absolutely nothing to deserve it. He cares enough to want to know me on a personal level, yet I'm too concerned about my reputation to let that happen. He cares enough to put other people out here that care, even though I'm not trusting enough to let them.

I'm ready to be broken down. I'm ready to be that overly-emotional teenage girl that I'm supposed to be. I'm ready because I'm tired of being emotionally barren and semi-cynical. Its not that I don't love humanity, because I truly do. I just don't trust other people to know what I'm feeling. Maybe one day there will be someone who figures out how to break through my stubborn defense barrier that I have built up. And when they do I hope they tear it to pieces so that it can never be built up again. So go ahead, come break me down because I am finished with this.

~*Elizabeth

You Are Who You Are But Is That All You Can Be?

It seems to me that in today's society we try to justify things to easily. Things that people could have been hanged for a couple of centuries ago, we now pass off as insignificant. Today everyone always has an excuse for what they did, and often that excuse releases them from deserved punishment. Although I do feel the punishments of several hundred years ago were a little extreme, I also think that society now lets us get away with too much. For instance, I think it's completely out of line for a child to be stoned to death for talking back to their parents; but I also feel that some kids today need to be slapped around a few times for the things they say. But the truth is, we are all prone to sin and can fail at any given moment.

I finished reading the book Frankenstein a couple of weeks ago, and although the story was somewhat boring and highly depressing at times, I found that the book had a lot of depth to it. The monster that doctor Frankenstein creates turns malicious and violent, which can be traced back to his biological source and lack of human nourishment. The Creature blames his behavior on this and uses it as an excuse to make the lives of others as miserable as his own. At certain points in the story you grow compassionate towards the Creature because of his loneliness, while at the same time you condemn him for the havoc he has wreaked. I think we often see this in our world today. A person may have done something terrible that truly can be traced back to their nature, but does that make it justifiable?

A common debate similar to this that we hear about today is the issue of sexual orientation. Homosexuals often use the excuse that they were "born this way" and can't really help it. As a Christian I disagree with that because I do not believe God would create one to live every day of their life in that manor. Although we should still be loving and accepting of them, I do not think we should accept it as fact that that is who they are and it cannot be changed. It is simply an excuse. It is our nature to sin, but do we just accept that and decide it to be a hopeless case? No, we push past that and realize there is something we can do about it instead of making excuses for ourselves.

Scientific research has found that many of our most violent male criminals have an extra y chromosome in their genes which gives them more "manliness" and causes them to be more aggressive. Scientists wonder if many criminal cases could have been avoided if it wasn't for this. So it becomes a major controversy: Are the people really guilty if it is simply in their nature to be this way? This is a very complex issue and I'm not going to side either way, but I do think it is important to remember that we all have to work with what we are given and control whatever emotions or desires we may have. And even if this does become excusable, what happens to the criminals then? Are they released into the world to cause more trouble and ruin more people's lives? Like I said, it is a very complicated issue but I am just using it as an example.

It just seems to me like we are all constantly making excuses. When is the last time you have admitted that you have done something wrong just because you messed up? There is nothing wrong with failure as long as we overcome. Yet we continue to make excuses to justify our own mistakes. It seems like over half the kids in America are "diagnosed" with ADD. While there are some kids who truly do have these sort of problems they must deal with, it has now become an easy excuse for disruptive behavior. When will will attempt for more than just the status quo? We must endeavor beyond what is thought of as acceptable by society. Because, honestly, society will accept almost anything today.

~*Elizabeth

Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa is the Latin phrase meaning "blank slate". It comes from the theory that humans are born as basically nothing and, as we develope, we learn from experiences and basically create ourselves.

I think that life is like a never-ending math problem that I've been working on my slate. I've been working on this same equasion for 16 and a half years only to get to the point that I realize I'm using the wrong formula. As frustrating as it may be, the only thing I can do is wipe my slate clean, and start over again.

I didn't realize it, but I've been away for a while. I've been lacking inspiration, and searching for it in all the wrong places. Hopefully, I'm back here to stay for a while. Although, I'm not entirely sure where "here" is. But now that I look back on my little escapade, the one thing I have realized is that what you want isn't always what you need and what you need isn't always what you want. So with that in mind, I'm starting fresh with a blank slate. Tabula Rasa.

~*Elizabeth

A Change in Prayer

I have found myself thinking a lot about prayer lately, and I've come to the realization that I've been thinking so much about it because of the guilt I feel because of my prayer life. I'm going to be honest and say that the extent of my prayer life lately has been saying a few words to God before I fall asleep at night. Sometimes I think we get the wrong idea of prayer. We see the Precious Moments pictures of the little children kneeling before their beds at night and that is the image in our head of how prayer is supposed to be. Or maybe we hear ministers prayer an eloquent prayer and it makes us feel as if our own words are inadequate. We have the idea that prayer is the act sitting alone with your eyes closed and head bowed and going through the routine of repentance, confession, and acceptance. Although I believe this type of prayer is entirely necessary, I feel that there are various routes you can take when praying.

A lot of times, I forget to pray. I think that its the times when God blesses us so wonderfully that we do forget to pray. Sometimes I forget that prayer is so much more than just asking for things that we need. Prayer is a simple means of communication to the one who gave us life. Sometimes it seems ridiculous to sit there talking to a God who already knows what your about to say. It sounds strange and Innecessary, but it's not. It's not because its a way to enhance our relationship with Christ by pouring out our soul to someone who will actually listen and not think any less of you. I'm not the kind of person who really likes to talk about myself or my problems. Sometimes my parents think that I don't tell them anything, but really it's just that most things I don't talk about to anyone. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to realize that this is probably not the best thing. But I do feel like if I can first reveal myself to God, then I may be able to reveal myself to others more easily.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I want a change in my prayer life. I want it to be more than just saying a couple of things before I go to bed. I want to wake up in the morning and thank God that for the beauty of the world he created right outside my window. And when I walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I want to thank him for giving me legs to carry myself. And when I get bored I want to engross myself in His word and ask for wisdom to comprehend what I read. I want to finish reading a good book and thank Him for giving people such a remarkable gift of words for me to enjoy. And at the end of the day, I want to fall asleep telling Him about what is going on in my life because that's what I often do with my best friend.

Like I said, I believe it is sometimes necessary to have a rutine form of prayer; but sometimes I think people get so caught up in that and they forget what the purpose of prayer is. It is to give us a personal relationship with our Maker, and I think we should take every opportunity to make that stronger.

~*Elizabeth

Facebook Statuses

I found it very interesting to look at how everyone updated their status's on facebook after Obama was announced president elect last night. Some of these have a good message to them, some are flat out mean, and other's are just flippin hilarious. Don't read these and get angry, read them and laugh. Laugh about how stupid we are all acting right now. Laugh at how so many people think they can do something about it, but can't. Laugh about how, as much as I myself don't like Obama in office, the world is not coming to an end! Laugh at how people are too ignorant to realize that this is all happening for a reason because God would not let Barack Obama in office if there was no reason!

• obama stinks!! just know that!!
• wondering why people actually think it is the government's job to take care of them. How pathetic we have become. Get ready for the cheese lines people.
• is going to quit his job now...that way he can stay at home and let Obama steal from the rich and give to me!!!
• go obama :)
• is thinking saban should run 4 presedent!!!haha
• is accepting the election of Barack Obama as God's rightful judgement on a wicked nation.
• is praying for the best with our new leader....God is in control and knows what is best believe it or not.
• Doesn't have to go to school this spring. Why would I want to become successful? Why work when someone else can do it for me, then share the wealth with me?
• is socialism....this cant be good....
• is glad to see hope triumph over fear
• knows that God will use President Elect Obama to bring glory to His name ~ The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse...
• is a sad day in america as a socialist prick is elected to presidency
• is so irritated at the foolish, blind, ignorant liberals... What happened to "One nation under God..."? What has happened to our country?
• is it's high time Christian stopped being so negative and start having Faith that God is gonna make everything okay
• guesses its no longer called the white house...
• just prays that Obama will be a good president, God bless and good night
• is buying a bicycle!! I would at least have transportation amongst the riots caused by the poor choices of our newest president!!! BLAHH!
• is BARACK AND ROLL--i know das rite
• is saying "I support him...but I'm still running for President in 2028."
• is praying that God has mercy on our country. ]:
• knows that even though they screwed up, it's okay. "...There is no authority not established by God. The authorities that exist have been established by God."
• welcomes you to Alobama, one of the fifty districts within the Federated Provinces of Socialist America!
• knows that this day is a very sad day for the United States Of America... here come 4 years of death, and destruction to all that this country was founded upon
• get ready for hitler the second
• glad there will be no more politcal commercials for 4 more years
• doesn't have to be afraid! Jesus said, "Take heart; I have overcome the world." Have faith in Jesus, my friends! He is God over all, even Barack Obama
• is noo obama whyy....we're doomed..:'(.
• is encouraging ANYONE who doubts Barack Obama to read Romans 13:1-7. God bless America!!!
• is sad that people have voted socialism into America. Let's spread that wealth around!!! IDIOTS!!!
• ..obama is not going to kill us all. we are not going to fall over dead, there's nothing we can do about it..don't freak out.
• wants to remind everyone that is bashing obama because they are "christian" that Jesus said LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
• is reminding people that George Bush is still our President, and until Obama is sworn in, Bush needs our prayers as President every bit as much as Barack
• is getting out his wealth-spreading machine!!!
• can't wait for that government medicine!!! I may even have the ability to die in line for my Obama-paid medicine.

Don't let our country be taken over by malicious words, let it be taken over by prayer and supplication! Whether you support Obama or not, he still needs are prayers. Whether you support him or not, we are commanded to show him respect. I don't know what the next several years may hold for us, but I do know that Obama is our president for a reason. God just doesn't reject millions of prayers for no reason.

~*Elizabeth

With Less Than 24 Hours to Go

In less than 24 hours, many Americans will be going about their daily routine proudly wearing their "I voted" stickers. While that is somewhat a terrifying thought for me, I am actually ready for this election to be over. Personally, I am quite tired of political argument. I'm sick of people getting angry with each other because they don't support the same candidate. There is nothing wrong with calm debate. In fact, I think it's a great thing; but calm debates tend to lead to heated arguments and sometimes heated arguments end in anger or hate towards a person you've always held high respect for. Apparently some people just don't know how to accept the fact that there is nothing wrong with disagreement. Yesterday Mary and I went into Rue21 and when we got to desk to pay the three cashiers were in one of these "heated arguments".(one of the people we actually knew already) Well the two girls were getting all upset because the other guy doesn't support Obama, and personally I found their method of arguing highly annoying. I don't think I once heard them say what they even liked about Obama. All they talked about was how "it's time for change" and "John McCain is so old" and "Sarah Palin is so stupid" or "she doesn't have any experience. Well, yes, maybe John McCain is old, but please tell me why that is going to make him so much worse of a president than Obama. Yes, sometimes Sarah Palin doesn't sound like the sharpest knife in the drawer when she talks, but have you listened to Joe Biden lately? And maybe she doesn't have as much experience as we would like our potential vice president to have; but the only experience Obama has is spending a little over a hundred days in the Senate. These hypocritical and highly ill-informed supporters belong to both of our candidates, but I'm just making the point about Obama because this was an argument I listened to just yesterday.

I guess I am just extremely aggravated by all of this un-needed controversy. During the Relient K concert last week, Matt Theissen made a comment about politics. He said he was probably the only one there who wasn't sick of politics because he's Canadian and can't vote. I found it interesting when he said that the thing he is sick of is all of this hatred between people, because from the perspective of an outsider that's all he notices. So ask you self, "Is this really all worth it?" Is it really worth getting so much into an argument that you find yourself fed up with the person on the other side? Is it really worth dividing up this nation, dividing up these states, these cities, these schools, these churches, and even these families? Absolutely not. Of course it's important to know who you want to vote for and why you want to vote for them, but in the end one person is going to be elected and we all have to live with that. My hope and prayer is that the citizens of the United States will once again become united instead of broken into millions of pieces. I hate to say this, but I feel like there are dark days ahead of us. With the state of the economy right now, things are probably going to get worse before they are better. I believe that the key to getting past this is through each other, and the only way it will work is by being united. Don't let us be separated by our preferred candidate! Don't let your political views get in the way of helping those in need! Love can do things that John McCain and Barack Obama could never do alone. Don't let your personal opinion take over.

I'm scared that we are going to let government take over our lives. We are going to invite elected officials into places they don't need to be. Why are we doing that? Isn't that what we wanted to get away from? Isn't that what we fought in countless wars for? We broke away from Great Britain because we wanted our own freedom and liberty. People were tired of Parliament invading their lives, telling them what they can and can't do. Part of the reason we fought in World War II was to free the people from Nazi oppression. Are we going to sit here and let thse be wasted efforts? One day, maybe several generations from now, will that happen to us? Will we be taken over by a power-hungry totalitarian ruler? If we continue to invite the government into our lives that may happen! Will a group of people become sick of not being able to live their own lives and make their own decisions that they will attempt to break away from the United States of America like was done before in the Civil War? Is that what is going to take to get things the way they need to be? I surely hope not.

I just think that the first step towards the road to success is that we put our differences aside and think about what's at stake. Just get over the fact that people have different opinions, and let them believe what they want to believe. I encourage you when we find out who will be our next president that you will just accept it for what it's worth. The voting booths may close tomorrow night, but the end is not yet in sight. Unfortunately, there are still many "I told you so"s to be said. There are still many fingers to be pointed and accusations to be made. When, if ever, will we remember that we have the privilege of liberty? A privilege that many deserving people go without. Take the opportunity to form your own opinion; but, please, don't condemn your neighbor for doing the same.

~*Elizabeth

And That's What It's All About

Lately I have noticed that when I am reading a book I read it not only for the story like most normal people tend to do, but also for the literary content and the message that the author is trying to present. Sometimes when I read a part in a book that really stands out to me, I even mark the page so I can go back later and read it again. I find a story so much more beautiful when you jump in and try to figure out what the author's purpose in writing the story was instead of reading it simply because its a romace novel or an incredible action story. I think it was partially because of this that I enjoyed reading the Harry Potter series so much, but I'm not allowed to write about that yet because Danielle hasn't finished the last book.

Right now, I'm reading through the last few chapters of a book called The Host, and I must say it's one of the strangest books I've ever read. It's basically a story about aliens and how they take over earth, but it's not one of those typical sci-fi alien stories. The aliens(souls as they call them in the book) are just little worm-like creatures who have to be inserted into a body in order to function. They are only a soul, useless without a body as a host. In the story, the souls are living basically this perfect life. Hatred and violence doesn't exist in their world, and the only reason they took over earth was because they truly felt like it was the right thing to do. When they look at earth they see people killing each other every day. They see parents abandoning their children. They see hatred, deciet, hopelessness, and despair; and they feel the need to put an end to it. So they do. And then the world is at peace. I remember at one point in the book they were watching a baseball game on tv and there was a converstation between two players that went something like this, "No, I think you were safe." "No, I'm pretty sure I was touched before I hit home plate. It was definatly an out." It was so ironic because, in our lifestyle, the arguement would be completely opposite. The world now lives a Utopian lifestyle where everybody did the right thing. There was no need for money because everybody was honest. The souls didn't have jobs, they had Callings; and everybody did their part.

One part I marked in my book was when the main soul of the story, her name was Wanderer, began to realize what human life on earth was about. She started to see that maybe turning this corrupted planet into a "perfect" planet wasn't the best thing. She said, "This place(talking about earth) was truly the highest and the lowest of all worlds--the most beautiful senses, the most exquisite emotions...the most malevolent desires, the darkest deeds. Perhaps it was meant to be so. Perhaps without the lows, the highs could not be reached." This is really when I started to pick up on Stephenie Meyer's hidden meaning in this story. I think she's trying to get the point across that there is a reason for all of this imorality. That's a thought I've always struggled with. I never have really understood why God allowed the fall of man to happen. Why did Adam and Eve have to sin in the garden. I always knew that it was part of his plan, but it never made much sense to me.

It's strange how such simple things such as reading a book about aliens taking over the world can open your eyes up to things you never really thought about before.

When Wanderer spends a great amount of time with the few humans left, she really begins to understand what love is. With the souls, everbody "loved" everybody just simply because hate basically didn't exist. With humans, it was different. These were her thoughts,

"What was it that made this human love so much more desirable to me than the love of my own kind? Was it because it was exclusive and capricious? the souls offered love and acceptance to all. Did I crave a greater challenge? This love was tricky; it had no hard-and-fast rules--it might be given for free, as with Jamie, or earned through time and hard work, as with Ian, or comopletely and heartbreakingly unattainable, as with Jared. Or was it simply better somehow? Because these humans could hate with so much fury, was the other end of the spectrum that they could love with more heart and zeal and fire? I didn't know why I had yearned after it so desperately. All I knew was that, now that I had it, it was worth every ounce of risk and agony it had cost.
It was better than I'd imagined. It was everything."

So that's when I figured it out. Or at least I think I have. The reason we need hatred, the reason we need violence, the reason we need deciet, and all other immoral things is because that is what creates love. If none of that existed, then neither would love. And without love, hate wouldn't have meaning either. And now it seems so obvious to me. Why didn't I think of that before? Without hate, love would be non-existant.

~*Elizabeth