I Have Relocated

www.ebethampton.wordpress.com

Well I guess you could say the three weeks of my life have been pretty crazy and slightly overwhelming. I had freshman orientation at Samford which was an information overload, and almost made me want to wait another year before starting college. Immediately following that I participated in Samford's Urban Adventure, making me remember how excited I actually am about college. It was great to spend a peaceful week on campus, and I am glad to see that I almost know my way around now. After that it was one day of rest before I traveled down to Orange Beach and had a great week with friends and family, where oil was not a hindrance at all. Then I came home and got a few hours of sleep before I left bright and early to go back to Orange Beach for Student Life Camp. All in all, camp was just a great experience getting closer to God and the other people I go to church with.

Altogether, I learned so much about myself, God, and my Christian duty over the last few weeks. Maybe a lot was stuff I already knew in the back of my head, but it certainly needed to be instilled in my every day thought. Particularly, Student Life Camp and Urban Adventure gave me so much food for thought. In a way I wish I could have attended camp first because I could have applied it more to my work in Birmingham with Urban Adventure.

Everything about camp was great. Aaron Keys, the worship leader, was awesome and his knowledge of Scripture really motivated me to start memorizing more verses. Matt Chandler, who was our main speaker, really opened up my eyes to knew things. And when I got home I immediately downloaded some of his podcasts because I just can't get enough of it. The fellowship time with all of the other students and chaperones was also amazing. We have funny memories that we will never forget, and also serious moments that we all took away. One particular night on beach was one I will always remember because William got saved. Through that, God not only opened up his heart, but I'm pretty sure he opened up every heart on that beach. I can't speak for everyone else, but I know that I saw God through William that night. I've never seen the kid cry, but tears of pure joy were streaming from his eyes and he couldn't even sit still because he was so excited.

But if I could say the one thing about camp that challenged me the most was how flawed my relationship with God is. It seems like such a simple thing, but for me it's incredibly difficult. There are only a few people in my life who I am close to, and to be honest I don't think there is a single person who knows me entirely. I'm a hard person to get to know, and I don't open up to people very easily. If you want to get to know me then it's something you have to work at. You have to tear down the defensive barrier that I have built up, and that takes a lot more than one conversation. I've always been okay with being like this, simply because I don't want to become vulnerable. I don't want people to know my weaknesses, or even my strengths for that matter. But I guess I've realized that this way of living has effected not only my relationship with my peers, but also my relationship with God. I don't know how to pray. Prayer is awkward for me. The idea of it sounds so easy, but in my mind it is so complex. There was a point in my life where I believed in God, yet I didn't believe he cared anything about having a relationship with me. If he did, then why doesn't he talk back? Why doesn't he show me his plan for my life more blatantly? Although these are questions I will still struggle with, I have decided to do something very uncharacteristic of myself and pursue God. Because if I don't pursue Him then why should He (or anyone else for that matter) pursue me?

I guess that I just needed to be reminded over and over throughout the week that God wants to be my best friend before I actually started to believe it. Communication is hard for me, but I know that it is essential to a healthy relationship. I've made these statements in previous posts, but I need to say it again just to get it through my own head. Because writing is so much easier for me than speaking, I got to the point that I was writing my prayers each night rather than saying it out loud or in my head. It was great at first because I feel more connected through writing, but now it's at the point that it's just something I do before I go to bed. I want my prayer life to be more than just a daily quiet time. I want to wake up in the morning and thank God for the sun shining in my window, or even just the fact that I have a window because I have a house. When I get out of bed, I want to thank Him for giving me a properly functioning body. I want to thank Him every time I crank my car, every time I experience the pleasure of a good book or good music. I want to be reminded of Him in every aspect of my life. Because He is in every aspect, I just continually fail to see it.

Urban Adventure, on the other hand, taught me about another important aspect of Christianity: Servitude. Urban Adventure was basically a group of about 30 Samford Freshman who had a desire to serve. We spent two full days at North Star Youth Ministries, a summer camp for kids of the College Hills community. North Star is coordinated pretty much through a family in their home, and it is designed to give kids a place to come during the summer where they can have lunch, participate in activities, and be surrounded by the love of Christ. Our job was to fix the place up a little by painting, landscaping etc. Before we started our work, we had a short training session on what it meant to be a neighbor. We distinguished the difference between what it means to volunteer, serve, and to neighbor. Sometimes we get too caught up in the idea of doing volunteer work that we forget its purpose. The Bible doesn't call us to volunteer at the local homeless shelter, but it commands us to be a neighbor to those in need. Being a neighbor requires more than a couple of Saturdays out of the month, it requires a lifetime commitment and an emotional connection. We are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, meaning that we should devote as much time to others as we devote to ourselves. However, I fall short of this over and over again.

And although we continually neglect our duty, the world is still not forsaken. While I was at camp we made a list of all the things that God is. The one I wrote that stood out to be the most was that God is hope in a forsaken world. God is working through organizations such as North Star to further his kingdom. As Christians, we have to realize that we are not called to live a practical life. Luke 9:57-62 talks about the cost of following Jesus. A man says he will proclaim the name of Christ after he buries his father who had just passed away. But Jesus replies saying "Leave the dead to bury their own dead". Nothing is more important the task we are given in the great commission. Although I do believe that our belief in God comes from the heart and through a personal relationship with Him, I also believe that if we are not doing His work then we may need to question where our heart truly is. The two go hand in hand, and one cannot fully exist without the other. So where are your priorities? After the last 3 weeks that is the question I've been asking myself, and my prayer is that God will show me and constantly remind me what is most important.

College??

Well. Samford it is. I know I seem horribly indecisive for changing where I am going to attend college this fall at pretty much the last minute, but if I could describe my entire nature or state of being in one word it would probably be indecisive. Saying that, now that I'm officially registered and it's all set in stone, I'm nearly positive that I made the right choice. Because maybe I really wasn't all that indecisive. I think this is what I wanted to do all along.



It was kinda hard for me to change my plan so suddenly. I already told everybody that I was going to The University of Montevallo as an English major, so once I had a plan the idea of backing away scared me. When I started my college search, my choices were Samford and Alabama. There was a lot about Samford I loved, but part of me just wanted to get away from the "Christian Circle" I had isolated myself in and just experience the world for what it truly was, whether for the good or for the bad. However, after visiting the school formally, I realized that Samford isn't one of those exclusive Christian schools as I perceived it to be. They were open to anybody, and did not reject people based on religion as long as they did not corrupt campus life with immoral things. And even though I will always support the Crimson Tide, I quickly realized that UA wasn't the school for me. I don't want to attend a big university where it takes me a whole year to learn my way around, and I'm nothing more than a number in a crowd. So even though I always said I wanted to go there, I ended up not even applying. In order to keep my options open I also visited North Alabama and Montevallo. UNA was nice and seemed like a great place to go to school, but I knew I wasn't ready to move three hours away. So I visited Montevallo and I loved it. The campus had a very similar feel as Samford's but without that high of a price. At this point, I didn't really allow myself to think about Samford because I was too consumed by the cost.



So Montevallo was my choice. English would be my major, simply because it was the best I could come up with. I was content and mostly happy, but I never really got excited. But over time, little things kept popping up pointing me back to Samford. At first I ignored it because my decision was made, but it got to the point that I didn't even want to go to Montevallo at all. Nothing about the school seemed appealing anymore, because I knew that Samford was what I wanted. But as I suspected, cost became a burden.



My life seemed meaningless, and I felt incredibly unfulfilled. I did everything in my life half-way because I never wanted to put any time and effort into it. And at the very top of this would be my life as a Christian, a follower of Christ, and a disciple to many nations. I claimed Christ in my life, but I didn't go out of my way to show it. I've always been a pretty good kid. I don't drink, do drugs, sleep around, or swear excessively, but that does not show anything about my character. I can't explain exactly what happened, but I've recently made a commitment. I want my life to be a living representation of the Word of God. I believe that faith is not only our belief in God, but it's also a verb. I want to put my faith into action. Sometimes we become to consumed by the concept that works do not save us, that we forget our Christian duty altogether. I truly feel that God has called me into His service in some way. Not to say that I'm supposed to become some form of minister or travel across the world spreading the Word(although I would love to do that), but I think that God wants to use my life to further His kingdom. And I believe that my time in college would be a great time to figure out exactly what that entails.



There are a lot of reasons I'm choosing Samford. It's a school with great academics, and a very prestigious university that I have been blessed with the opportunity to attend. It has a beautiful campus placed in the city I know and love. Also, I feel like the staff at Samford actually took the time to get to know me. As much as I hated writing the essay and doing the resume for admission, I can now appreciate that they had a desire to know me on a personal level. The admissions department sought me more than I sought them. My recruiter called me on a regular basis to see if I needed help with anything, and I actually grew comfortable speaking to him. That was an experience I didn't have from any other school I looked into. I've never really felt wanted or that I belonged anywhere before, but I feel like Samford is where I belong and they actually want me to be there. I know this sounds cliche, but it seems more like Samford chose me. It's a nice feeling. But if I could narrow my final decision down to one thing it would be God's will in my life. For so long I held this resentment against God because it seemed that he was ignoring my requests and I didn't sense his guidance in my life. But now, for once, I'm pretty sure my life is heading in the right direction. Samford has so many mission opportunities I plan to get involved in that Montevallo just didn't have to offer.



So even though I had to give up my fantasy of moving away to college and having that true "on campus" experience, I am very pleased with the decision I made. I can't even consider giving that up a sacrifice, because I am still blessed immensely. I have this amazing opportunity lying before me, and every day I get more excited to see what God has in store for me.

The Beginning

A few weeks ago David and I were talking when he randomly says "I think we should start a Bible Study". It was weird because that was something I had in the back of my mind for a while, but I never really thought anybody else would actually be interested in it and I just assumed the idea would get pushed aside if I mentioned it. But David brought up the idea and we both immediately got excited. We weren't sure what direction we were going to take this, when we would begin, or where it would be held, but we both knew it was something we wanted to do.

In the midst of this, both of us were reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and were really enjoying it, so we pretty much decided that we would start leading the Bible Study through that book. After further planning we finally set a date, and I think our excitedness began turning to nervousness. I'm a shy person. I'm a listener and a follower, not a leader or a speaker. Although David and I had no intention of "teaching" this Bible Study, we both knew that we would have to be the ones to get the discussion going and come up with questions and flow for the conversation. I know, for me, it was a huge step forward because for the first time I was actually taking initiative to get things done.

Yesterday was our first session and I think, aside from a few distractions, it went very well. I expected only four maybe five people to show up, but we ended up having 9. Although David and I were the main ones proposing ideas and questions, there was really no problem getting other people to talk. Nearly everyone had their own opinion to put forth, and those who didn't I knew were actually listening and thinking through what we were talking about.

The main issue that chapter one talked about was the vastness and intricacy of God's creation. In the book, Francis asks you to go watch this video. After watching it, I kinda had mixed emotions. Part of me was in awe of my Mighty Creator, while another part of me wondered why the heck he felt the need to create the world like this. Were all those other galaxies really necessary? Does a caterpillar really need 228 distinct muscles just in its head? Does an elm tree really need 6 million leaves? Practically, maybe not. But it goes so much deeper than that. During our discussion I asked the question: Why did God make the world so excessively big? We tossed different ideas around like the fact that God's creation is his own work of art, and his personality is seen through it. Another idea was that maybe God just wanted to show us how much he really cares. He cares so much that he added such great detail to his work to show us that we are worth the time and effort. Another reason would be just to show how big and powerful he really is. I also think a great explanation for the complexity and vastness of creation is seen in Romans 1:20. "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature-have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." God made his creation so detailed so that we would know there is a divine being, a mighty Creator, a God loves us so much that he would make himself man and die for us. We spend our lives asking for proof of this God we can't see, when the truth is he shows himself blatantly in the world around us. His creation is our proof, and we are left with no excuse to turn from him.

So after concluding that God shows his majesty through the magnitude of his creation, we began asking the question: Why is it so hard to love God, and why do we have to constantly remind ourselves of him when his presence is so obvious? We all agreed that we have too many distractions in our lives. Just sit back and think of how much time you've wasted in your life doing things that in reality are meaningless. I spend way more time on facebook than I do reading my Bible. The amount of time I spend talking to God would have to be multiplied by a fairly large number to reach the amount of time I spend talking to my friends. I work for money that I don't even really need way much more than I spend time serving those around me without pay. Am I saying that you should quit your job and spend your life working for no pay? No, you must still think about what's best for yourself. But at the same time, nothing about Christianity is practical. It wasn't practical for the disciples to leave their jobs and their families in order to follow Jesus, but it was something he demanded and was a risk they had to take. I tend to play life safely. I don't take many risks, and I usually leave the big things for other people to handle. But I think I've reached the point in my life where I want to give more. I'm tired of living a boring, half-way life and I want to dedicate myself completely to his work.

And aside from distractions of life, we also discussed that it's hard to love God because life can be so unfair sometimes. Death, poverty, illness, and hatred tell us that there is no God. Last Thursday I attended a memorial service of a two year old little girl who was hit by a car. How is that fair? How is it fair that she will never be given a chance at life, and that her family and those close to her will have to spend the rest of their lives missing her? It's not fair, not at all; but we will never be satisfied asking why things happen. This was the main theme of the message presented at her service. The man who did the eulogy said that we must stop asking why things happen, and just accept the fact that it did happen. In her short two years, Abigail was able to impact lives more than someone who died a natural death of old age may have been able to. Because of her accident, parents are encouraged to build stronger relationships with their kids while they still have the opportunity. People are reminded that we are never guaranteed tomorrow, and every minute of our lives count. Drivers now feel the need to be more aware and cautious of their surroundings in order to eliminate the number of accidents that happen. As horrible as it may seem, tragedy is what brings us together. We discussed 9/11 and how it brought us together as a nation, and as families. People strengthened relationships with one another because of the event. People were in churches, and we were once again a Christian nation. Although the impact may not have been lasting, it did bring us together for a while. Love was surrounding us, and we could feel God's presence in the midst of disparity. But still, we look at the world around us and see its imperfection, people die for seemingly no reason, and humanity is cruel. We fail to comprehend how a loving God can exist in the midst of that. So instead we reject him, or maybe just forget him. We become immune to him and his creation, and it gets to the point that we just really don't care.

There are several other things we discussed yesterday, but these are just the highlights I wanted to hit. I could be the only one, but I'm really excited about where this is going. For once, people actually seem like they care. We also kept throwing out the concept of how this can impact us as individuals, our youth group, our church, our community, and even the entire world we live in. I'm hoping that each session we will be able to bring up new ideas and topics of discussion. I hope that we will be able to strengthen relationships, and be able to put our beliefs into action by opening up to the community. David titled the event of our first meeting "The Beginning", but I think that would be an excellent title for the small group as a whole. Maybe this is the beginning of something new, maybe for the first time in quite a while we will all begin taking initiative and getting things done rather than waiting on someone else.

I really planned on writing this on Easter when it would fit more appropriately, but I ended up falling asleep instead. This year I just really started thinking about how horrible the commercialization of holidays are. It's like we can't even celebrate a significant day without forgetting what the significance of the day is. Days like Valentines Day, Mother's Day, and Father's day seem completely ridiculous to me because I think it's horrible to pick just one day out of the year to show love to our parent of significant other. In the same way, I hate that we reserve Good Friday and Easter as the days to recognize Jesus' death and resurrection when it's something that impacts our lives so heavily every day.

It really hit me Sunday afternoon when I was at my aunt's house for our typical Easter family gathering. I was playing with my 6-year old cousin while she was rambling on telling me about our plan to "defeat the boys" when out of nowhere she looks at me and says "Elizabeth, why does the Easter Bunny come if that's not what Easter is really all about?". It kind of took me off guard, and I honestly had no idea what to say. I ended up mumbling out something about how even though Easter has a much more important meaning, the Easter Bunny still brings us things because he wants us to be happy. Blah blah blah. As it turned out, Madeleine had a much better response for herself than what I had to give her. She simply said "I'm just happy that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead".

Sometimes we forget how simple it really is. We forget that we don't actually have to run around hiding eggs or decorating our homes with pink bunnies to make us happy. Just sit for a moment and soak in the concept of this God, who is Creator of the universe, humbles himself to become the Redeemer of the universe. He made himself man, took on the lowly life of an ordinary human being, and then bore the weight of our sins on the cross so that we may be free. So that we could live a life knowing we are forgiven even though we have done nothing to deserve it.

And aside from dying to pay the price of our sins, I believe that there is a much greater meaning behind Christ's death. Dying for our sins was mere symbolism. If that was all that was at stake then I'm sure God would have found a better solution. The God I worship is the only god(that I know of) who lowered himself to grow closer to us. The fact that the Almighty God, who has the ability to wipe us all out by just thinking it, made himself human provides an emotional connection between God and man. Christ had to live. Christ had to die. It's what set him apart, what made him respectable, what made it him real.

As anyone who is reading this probably already knows, I love the show Lost. Despite the confusion and craziness of the 5th season, it ended very interestingly. The 4th season ended with six of the characters finding their way off the island and back to the United States. John Locke, is one of the main characters of the show who I always titled the Christ-figure. At the beginning of the 5th season, Richard tells John that it is vital for him to bring those six people back to the island, and in order to do so he must first die. He spends a great deal of time trying to convince them to return, but nobody even dreamed of doing so. They would rather die then go back to the island. By the end of the season, they all find out that John died by what they thought was suicide. After hearing this, they knew that they had to go back. They didn't know why they did or why they felt this way, but it was like fate was drawing them back. John Locke's death ignited an emotion in them all and brought them back together.

In the same way, I think Christ's death acts as a bridge between all Christians, and really all of humanity. It's the one and only thing we have in common, the only thing that can connect us to one another. Without his death, we would worship him out of fear and obligation rather than out of love and admiration. Right now I'm reading through the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. If you haven't read this book then I highly recommend it. And that's coming from someone who really isn't a fan of religious books. Anyway, at one point he says "No worship is better than apathetic worship". The truth is, I usually don't care. I want to care, but it's hard when you enter worship and feel no emotion. And I've spent all of this time blaming God for not giving me inspiration, but really it's my own fault. He gave his life over 2,000 years ago to give me inspiration. The only time I ever sit and think about what actually happened on that day is around Easter, and even then I'm distracted by things like going to the store to get vinegar so my mom can have colored eggs. Maybe if I treated everyday like Easter, outside of the commercialization, then I wouldn't be so lukewarm. I don't want to be apathetic anymore. I want to live for a reason. I want to live because he died.

Writing this blog will most likely end with a group of people, who once respected me, coming together with plans of lynching or decapitating me. Why, you may ask? Because I am about to do something very bold and daring. I am going to bring up the dreaded issue that we were all glad to declare part of the past. *deep breathe* Yes, I am referring to the infamous Evolution Debate.

And, just to clarify, I am not bringing this up because I wish to start another argument. I know that we were all relieved to just bury the hatchet when it came to that debate. I am not reigniting the fire because I wish to insult anyone else or denounce their method of argument. In fact, the reason I am writing this is because I am more ashamed of my own method of argument than anyone else's.

Reading back through Matt's argument and the comments of others, particularly myself, made me realize how differently I thought through things back then than I do now. In fact, I remember actually being scared the first time I read it. This probably sounds ridiculous, but the idea of someone believing in a concept that I felt was so radical actually made me afraid. Looking back, I think that my fear of the idea was the reason I opposed it so strongly. I grew up being taught over and over again that God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh. He did this by speaking the world into existence and breathing life into mankind. There was no giant egg involved, and the species of man did not originate from apes. Anyone who believed otherwise, in my mind, was blasphemy (for anyone involved in the controversy, I did not look down on you, this was just my initial reaction). With the way I think about things now, reading through the second time made me realize that if anyone was blasphemous in the situation then maybe it was me. I went in thinking I had all the answers, and refused to open my eyes to an alternative point of view. When I made my defense, I appeared to be open minded when really all I was doing was finding ways to support what I already believed.

When I read through everything again, the defense for evolution actually made sense to me, whereas it did not before. I feel that I have become more open minded and matured in my way of thinking, and although I still disagree with the theory, I disagree for different reasons than I said before. A major concept that my mind simply could not grasp was that the Creation story was a poem that may not necessarily be meant to be taken literally. I feel that, while the Bible does hold many of life's answers, it is also a beautiful work of literature. In fact, I would love to be able to take an entire class focusing on the Bible as a work of literature rather than strictly the word of God. I think that would open my eyes to what God has to say to me even more. Anyone who was raised in a Christian family or has even stepped foot into a church has been taught that the Bible is the infallible word of God. But where is the basis of our belief? I remember when I wrote my blog against evolution I opened by referencing 2 Timothy 3:16. "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness." Already my debate was flawed because I had committed a terrible fallacy. I was basically saying that we should believe literally everything the Bible says, and the reason we should do this is because the Bible tells us to. This screams circular reasoning and pretty much crosses out my entire argument.

So am I saying that we can't rely on the Bible to give us answers and guide us through life? No, absolutely not. I can already see my dad sitting here reading this, turning red in the face, trying not to scream (and I already expect a pretty lengthy comment). The point I'm trying to make is that Christians sometimes try to fit the world into their Christian circle, and refuse to open their eyes to reality. Reality states that the Bible was written by man. Yes, inspired by God, but nonetheless written by man ,who is flawed in every action. Additionally, the Bible has undergone many translations(also done by man), and we cannot expect that to be done perfectly. On top of all of that, the Bible is read and interpreted by man. We make Scripture mean what we want it to mean in order to fit into our beliefs. I could say that I believe just about anything, open to the reference in my Bible, and find a verse that supports it.

I think that I've reached the point in my life that I have realized there really isn't a correct answer to anything. All of us who did not support the evolution theory had good reasons for doing so. Those who did support it had excellent reasons as well. Who is to say that one person is right and the other is wrong? Maybe I am saying this because I have become weak or a person of little faith, but I think that to some extent truth is relative. If we all believe something, believe it with passion, and carry it out in our lives, then maybe to some degree we are all right. God wants passion, not apathy. He wants us to seek Him in our lives, and hold strong to whatever we find even if it may be different than what others find.

I feel like, over the last six to eight months, I've reached a pretty low point in my life. I've doubted more than I ever have before, and I don't have nearly as much "faith" as I used to. You may look down on me for saying this, but that does not matter to me. I quit trying to make my beliefs fit in to what my parents believe, what my friends believe, or what pastors have said. Maybe I am not as strong as I used to be, but now I am real. I don't want to look back on things I have said or written and feel like a hypocrite anymore. I want to live what I speak, and do it proudly. Unfortunately, in order to do that, I had to start clean. I had to tear down rebuild my relationship with God instead of continuing in the fake one I already had. So maybe I have taken a few steps back, but to me that is ok. Because now I am, hopefully, making progress, and that is better than staying in the same place for the rest of my life.

About a week ago I began writing a blog about how much I have changed over the past few months. How I have changed both for the better and for the worse. It was already a really long blog, and I hadn't even finished yet. I got so lost in my thoughts that I just had to quit for a while and come back to it. But then I realized I was writing it pretty much just for myself, because I wanted to convince myself that I had become a better person. The truth was, I really didn't even want anyone else to see it. That blog will probably sit in my drafts forever, never finished, never published. Because maybe, after all, I haven't changed so much. Maybe I'm still the coward I've always been. Afraid to speak. Afraid to let people in. Afraid to reveal myself. Maybe some things never change...

I feel like I should say something, but I really have no idea what to say.