So this week my blog topic is to discuss what I think my purpose in life is. Of course, the typical Sunday School answer would be to say that my purpose in life is "To live out God's will...to love others as I love myself...to serve those in need" and so on and so forth. Although this is true, I think the real question is "What is God's will for my life". My answer to this is that honestly I have no clue. So I'm probably not going to write this blog in the way ya'll want to hear it, and it may be kinda long and boring. Instead, I think I'll just be honest with myself and others and write about some things that have been on my mind for a while now.
I have no clue what I'm doing. I have no idea where I'm going. I really don't know what the plan is, and that bothers me. In my 15 years and 11 months of life, I have yet to find one thing that I really enjoy. Something that I am passionate about. For a while I have told myself that that is ok because I am young. It's ok because I still have two years of highschool left, and then (possibly) a few years of college. And while in a way I still hold on to that mindset, I sit back and realize that I am living through the years of my life that molds the shape of my entire future. And then I look around at other people who know exactly who they are and what they want to do. Their gifts and talents shine though so brightly. So I look at myself, and I just have no idea. I don't know what it is that I should be doing, because I don't even know what I want to do. So I just keep waiting, hoping that God will show me what path I need to take. And I keep praying that he will give me the wisdom to take that path. Yet, I still have no idea. Don't get my wrong, I'm not saying I've lost my faith in God. I still whole-heartily believe that he has a plan for me, I just get discouraged because I don't know what that plan is. I realize that this is part of life and everyone goes through it, but I feel like I'm missing out on something. As if, maybe, it's right before my eyes and I'm just blinded my own selfish thoughts and desires. But that, too, I don't see because I'm not quite sure what my own desires are.
I try to be the kind of person who is always happy even when there isn't really anything to be happy about. I'm happy just simply because there is nothing to be sad about. After a while, though, that gets kinda old. I'm a middle-of-the-road, mediocre girl; but that, too, gets old. I'm tired of settling for mediocrity. I'm tired of apathy because there just really isn't anything to care about. I need something exciting. I need something to live for. I need something that I know in my heart I am supposed to do. This was a lot of our discussion Wednesday night. We talked about how everyone has different gifts and abilities and we are supposed to go out and do that and that only. If we try to do what someone else is supposed do, then it just doesn't work. Well, I'd love to do what I need to do. But first I have to figure out what that is.
My brother, Ryan, is going to attend Samford University this fall. Last week he had orientation and I guess that got the wheels in his head turning because the next day he writes a blog about college. It was one of my favorite blogs he has written in a while because it actually made perfect sense to me(and rarely his blogs do). He was talking about how people put too much pressure on teenagers approaching college age to know what they want to do. I'm pretty sure I'm doing this to myself. I think sometimes I forget that next month I will only be turning 16. I forget that this year I will only be in my junior year of high school. I guess I'm just tired of giving the answer "I don't know" every time someone asks me what my future plans are. I really just want something that I am good at and something I have a passion for. Andy made what I thought was a very good point when he said that you shouldn't go to college to find a job, you should go to college to further your passion.
I've been spending all this time searching myself through and through, trying to figure out what is really in my heart and just follow that, and it got me thinking about things a little bit differently. Maybe, as of now, I am barren. And maybe this whole time that I've been looking for something within myself, there really just isn't much to find. So I'm thinking there is a possibility that instead of finding myself, I should begin creating myself. Creating myself to be the kind of person that God wants me to be. A person who is loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, and self-controlling. And that may be the key to open up the next door. A door that has my own passion inside and takes me down the path of the rest of my life. And There I go with the Sunday School answer, but I suppose that's really all I have to start with.
Again, this is just life and life isn't always easy. Life is full of decisions. Sometimes you make the right ones, and sometimes you don't. Life is full of both encouragements and let downs. So all I can really do is go out into this brutal world realizing that the sun doesn't always set in happiness, but tomorrow there is always a sunrise. Giving hope and a promise of a better day ahead.
So maybe the answer to the question "What is my purpose in life?" is right around the corner; but as of now my answer will continue to be that I really just don't know. As of now God is really the only thing I can hold on to, but for some reason I want more. I feel like that is wrong though. Is it wrong? Is it wrong that I want something more than just knowing He is there? I guess I what I really want is to see Him played out in my life. But I will continue to wait; because, somewhere, I know it's there. And waiting is what a majority of life is comprised of.
~*Elizabeth
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Blog in the Round: My Purpose in Life
Posted by Elizabeth at 2:23 PM
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4 comments:
You may have just answered your own question. Why don't you write? I mean it's obvious that you are good at communicating and expressing yourself with words. Look at what you just wrote. If you ask me, that's really good for somebody who is 15. I don't know if that is or isn't God's will for you, but he made you good at it. I think that it's at least something you should consider.
Hey Elizabeth! I agree with Matt (I am not sure that's happened before!!) I'm not saying necessarily that your predominate calling in life is to be a writer. It may be or it may be something else. However, I am saying that God has definitely gifted you with that ability and therefore, you can use that ability in some way to bring glory to Him.
Matt and I have said, and I am sure others have and will say, that you are a gifted writer. One thing I believe is crucial to finding your role in life is to listen to what others are calling you to. Don't expect to get some overwhelming emotional feeling that you know is from God to tell you exactly what to do with your life. Emotions, while they have their purpose and are given by God, are subjective and can be misleading. Also don't necessarily expect a clear, logical reasoning to lead you to the right path. You just do the best you can at whatever you do, and the right path often opens itself up - often in the form of other people letting you know how much you are needed.
Some of the greatest people in history did not set out to do great things. Often, they simply set out to be good people and to follow their passions. Their passions and the circumstances led them into situations where great, history making events took place. St. Anselm, John Calvin, and George Washington come to mind. (My mind anyway!) However, people who set out to do great things often end up being crazed, egotistical, and often evil people (Hitler, Stalin, etc.) Don't set out to be great....set out to be good. I think you are off to a great start...at being good!
Wow I know you don't know me that well but I don't get on facebook or myspace and I stumbled across your blog whilst reading the reckless abandon one. You have just described what highschool was pretty much like fore me the last two years after I quit ballet. My whole family knew I was destined to be a "prima ballerina" and then I quit and they just pretended I didn't. And I quit everything because I wanted to live my life for God alone and nothing else and I lost a lot of hobbies because I just didn't care about them anymore. And just recently since I graduated, I started getting this aweful feeling like I was starving myself for creativity. I'd pretty much forgotten the basic simple truth that God just wants your everyday. Just give him that and everything will start to come together. And hey, you don't always have to know what God's doing with your life either. There have been people who were God's instruments for years and had no idea. So remember that just because you can't see what He's doing doesn't mean He's forgotten about you. And if you pay attention you'll realize that He is watching you every second of the day because He wants to give you what's good. Keep hold of that so He can. And just take it day by day for a while so you can breathe a little. I'm not gonna tell you that it's ONLY 11th grade and that it doesn't matter because you've got a few years. You might, but they go fast. You're probably old enough to know that time flies. So just look at the current circumstances, find the little things about your life that make you happy and find ways to share them with other people. Fall in love with God even though you know it's gonna be a rocky process to get to that point. You'll find yourself in Him. Read your Bible. Ephesians is especially helpful to me in times like these.
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